


Yeet Yourself Into My Heart

by Chrystie, kate882



Category: Batman - All Media Types, DCU, DCU (Comics), Nightwing (Comics), Under the Red Hood
Genre: I did not run it by her, M/M, also guys you gotta pay witness when crysty murders me for this title, drowning in school work, happy halloween 13 days late, hope you guys like vampire!Jason and witch!Dick, i'm trying my best lmao, only even got to post this because my class today was canceled
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-13
Updated: 2018-11-13
Packaged: 2019-08-23 06:18:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,346
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16613537
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chrystie/pseuds/Chrystie, https://archiveofourown.org/users/kate882/pseuds/kate882
Summary: Halloween is approaching and Jason can't get a handle on modern slang and memes.





	Yeet Yourself Into My Heart

**Author's Note:**

>   
> No she didn't.

“Hey, Dick, I got you something,” Jason announced, walking into their shared home, hiding the bag he was holding behind his back, which instantly had Dick suspicious.  

Dick narrowed his eyes, leaning forward, trying to figure what Jason could possibly be hiding. “Am I going to like it?”

“You know what, I have no idea. That wasn’t the point,” Jason answered, finally presenting him with a bag from one of the pop up Halloween stores.

Dick burst out laughing. “Babe, did you get me a witch costume? Please tell me you got me a cheap witch costume.”

“I got you the pointy hat and some Harry Potter glasses,” Jason confirmed, flashing him a fanged grin. “And this,” he dug in the bag and pulled out a stuffed black cat.

Dick kept laughing as he put both of them on and hugged the cat to his chest. “You’re the best. I hope you got yourself a cape too.”

“Absolutely not. Not my style. Or, uh, not bae?” He scrunched up his nose a bit. “Yeah, I don’t think I got that right. It sounded bad outloud.”

“You definitely didn’t, but it’s cute when you try.” Dick always thought Jason’s attempts to learn the slang and memes from the current century were adorable.

“Is it not something you enjoy though? So something you do not enjoy _should be_ not bae.”

“It’s more someone. Like you’re bae. You’re my bae.” Dick wrapped his arms around Jason’s neck, hoping he didn’t notice the subtle wiggle of his fingers.

“No but I- I saw a woman in a shirt. It said coffee was her bae. So was she saying that coffee is her boyfr- what are you doing?”

“Nothing~” Dick grinned as a cape materialised around Jason’s neck and over his shoulders.

Jason scowled at him. “Waste of Magic; I am not keeping it.”

“But it looks great on you.”

“Still not keeping it. You can wear it next week when the children start showing up for candy.”

“Aww,” Dick pouted. “Will you at least watch vampire movies with me?”

“... maybe.”

* * *

“Steph’s making it my job to keep you educated. You need to watch Queer Eye with me.”

“And you need to elaborate if you want me to watch something Stephanie picked out,” Jason answered as they walked down the street, Jason using an umbrella and sunglasses to make the sun less uncomfortable and both of them ignoring the looks this attracted on a chilly day, as they headed towards the coffee shop close to Jason and Dick’s place.

“It’s the best and only show you need to watch to convince yourself to get your life together,” Tim said with a completely straight face.

“... I’ve had several centuries to ‘get my life together’. I do not need a television show for that.”

“Not like this you haven’t. It’ll be good for you to see what living standards today should be, considering you live with Dick.”

“Why is it called Queer Eye, anyway? Did the meaning of queer change again and I missed it somehow?”

“No, it’s five gay guys helping other guys not live like garbage.”

“How?”

“They cover a lot of things in your life. We just have to watch it.”

“Fine, I’ll give it a chance. Is it on Netflix, or do we have to find it somewhere else?”

“Of course it’s on Netflix.” Tim gave him a look that said he should’ve figured that.

“Alright then, so we will get coffee, head back, and then Netflix and chill,” Jason shrugged as the coffee shop came into view.

Tim seemed to choke on nothing but air. “We’ll _what_?”

Jason glanced at him and furrowed his brow at the reaction. “...What?”

Tim just stared at him with a hard set frown before sighing. “You don’t know what you just said.”

Jason went over his words in his head, but it all made sense to him. “Would you care to enlighten me then?”

“I just-” Tim took a long slow inhale, “I’m calling Dick.” He didn’t give Jason a chance to question it any further and just pulled out his phone.

“What’s up, Timmy?”

“Dick, your boyfriend wants to Netflix and chill with me,” Tim didn’t sound like he had very much chill at the moment.

Dick, somehow predictably, burst out laughing. “G-give him the phone.”

“People say that! It’s a phrase!” Jason protested, even as he did take the phone.

“Babe-” Goddamn Dick and his laughing, “You can Netflix with Timmy, but you can’t chill, you can only do that with me.”

“Watching Netflix with someone _is_ chilling. That phrase, as casually hanging out rather than becoming cold, has been around long enough that everyone knows it. You literally said the other day that you were going to ‘go chill with Babs’.”

“Chilling during Netflix means sex, honey. That’s why you can only Netflix with Timmy.”

_“Why?”_ Jason sounded almost pained even to his own ears as that processed Tim’s reaction. “Why would that mean sex?”

“Because if you’re Netflixing with someone you like then you’ll eventually want it to lead to chilling.” Even Tim cringed at Dick’s explanation.

“Why did I call you again?”

“No, if I’m watching Netflix with someone I want to watch the show or movie. And chilling already had a meaning. Several of them, actually, but one for the context of hanging out.”

“You know memes and language don't make sense; it’s just what it is.”

“Except that it’s not what it is, that’s why it does not make sense.” Jason rolled his eyes and walked into the shop.

“It’s okay, babe, it doesn’t have to make sense, as long as you don’t Netflix and chill with Timmy.”

“We won’t.” Tim didn’t look amused.

“I’m not even sure I want to watch Netflix with Timmers now. You may have ruined it,” Jason confirmed.

“It would’ve been ruined anyway, that’s why I called Dick to explain it because I wasn’t going to.”

“I guess I’ll never understand Queer Eye, thanks a lot, Dick,” Jason said before hanging up the phone and passing it back to Tim.

“You know it’s not his fault, but he’s probably going to be asking you to Netflix and chill with him a lot now.”

“I hate the internet.”

* * *

“Did you remember candy for the kids?”

“I did. Did _you_ remember a _costume_?” Dick asked accusingly, stepping out in the witch hat Jason bought him and a purple dress with lace sleeves.

Jason shrugged and flashed his fangs. “Got it covered.”

“That’s not a costume.”

“To humans it is.”

“It’s not to me.” Dick stepped over to him and combed his hair back with his fingers. “And now for the glitter.”

“What? No, I don’t need any glitter,” Jason protested, stepping back.

“But then you’ll have the best sexy vampire costume,” Dick snickered.

“And here I was thinking that you already thought I was a sexy vampire.”

“I said costume. Just you is sexier than any costume can ever do.”

“Then clearly I don’t need glitter. You look great though. You did enough for the both of us.”

“Lame, would’ve loved having memories of you as Edward since I can’t have pictures. Oh wait!” Dick wiggled his fingers and Jason’s shirt underneath his jacket changed to say ‘Team Edward’. “Better.”

Jason glanced down and then he narrowed his eyes at Dick. “Change it back.”

“But why?” Dick grinned wrapping his arms around Jason’s waist.

“You know exactly why, and also because I liked the shirt it was before.”

“Can I at least give you a cape?” Dick was determined to get a more fun costume out of Jason.

“May I have my shirt back if I say yes?”

“Yes!”

“Fine, if you must,” Jason admitted defeat, rolling his eyes.

Dick happily conjured a cape for Jason and put his shirt back the way it was, rewarding him with a kiss.

“So would you say you are feeling...big mood?” Jason ventured.

“No. No one would ever say that. But I love you anyway,” Dick answered, kissing him again before the doorbell rang.


End file.
